Recently in 1 Star: Typical

What can I say about Predators? Probably nothing terribly coherent, but here goes.

The scariest thing about it is probably the poster. I've never seen any other Predator movies so I don't know if these things were more intimidating in their previous incarnations, but they lose a lot of their mystery once they ditch their cloaking devices. While I had a good time watching the film, due to the lots of shooting, there was never much dramatic tension for me. Watching a group of elite human warriors battle unstoppable humanoid killing machines who have abducted them to use for game hunting practice should at least get your heart beating a little bit faster. Sadly, no.

For what these people were supposed to be - executioners, cold blooded mercenaries, serial killers - they're pretty useless in a crisis. Except Adrien Brody's (smoking hot!) character, who is the White Man Who Will Save Us All. I think you could write a script in which that archetype takes leadership of a group and still show any of the other characters making a useful suggestion maybe once? Or twice? But I guess it was just easier to have Brody's character do all the thinking.

For a few minutes near the beginning, the film seemed like it was going to let Alice Braga's character be the de facto second in command and actually come up with some strategy, but no. She carries a big gun, but she's just there to follow Brody around, get teary eyed, and care about people. Just because you give the woman the heaviest gun doesn't mean anything else has to change, and hey look who was the first one to fall in a hole and need rescuing? This is not the "women of color in action role" revolution you were looking for, please move along.

What really got me, though, was how badly the men of color in our happy band of adventurers were treated. My favorite stereotypical character was Japanese-Taiwanese actor Louis Ozawa Changchien's character, who is a member of the Japanese Yakuza. OF COURSE. Because the Japan of Hollywood movies has no military or police or assassins. All the badasses are Yakuza or Ninjas. And Yakuza are really Ninjas too, you can tell, because this guy rocks out with a sword!

And as could have been predicted, the order of death of characters with speaking parts went like this:

1. Hispanic man from Mexico (Danny Trejo)
2. Black man from Sierra Leone (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali)
3. Black man who sounds American (Laurence Fishburne)
4. White man from Chechnya we didn't really care about, while saving white man from the United States
5. Asian man, while saving white men and pretty lady
6. White man from the United States

Even where you're from seems to matter in marking you for death!

I would have labeled those lists with a spoiler warning, but COME ON! Like you didn't see all of that coming. It was like Resident Evil: Extinction crossed with The Mutant Chronicles. So yeah, nothing much to report on the HC front. Another day, another movie full of men of color being redshirted.

Despite these flaws, I did have fun watching the movie. The pacing was quite good. I was not glued to the edge of my seat, but I was entertained. I ended up enjoying Topher Grace's performance most of all. I recognized his voice but I could not place it until I got home. I've seen quite a bit of That 70's Show, so I was impressed that he didn't give himself away.

So we end up with 1 star, since it was oh so typical, but I would recommend it for a fun summer movie.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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If I actually played video games, the number of video game movies I see would make a lot more sense. Despite my complete lack of playing, I have to admit that I saw both Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation in theaters. On opening day. And I bought the soundtracks.

You can stop judging me now. It's not like I think they're good movies. My schedule was a little more free back then, and some people I know wanted to go, so I went.

Okay, that's only an excuse for the first one.

Rewatching these films made me realize how far I have come in viewing my entertainment with a critical eye. Meaning that I apparently had no critical eye whatsoever back then, despite a bunch of liberal arts schoolin', or I simply declined to think while watching these films because otherwise it would be too depressing.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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I have seen Conan The Barbarian several times, but somehow I had never seen Red Sonja. Now that I have, I'm really not sure how to rate it. My grasp of Arnold Schwarzennegger's acting career is shaky, so I was stunned to find out this film was made in 1985. I wouldn't have guessed 1960, but 1985 seems so... modern, for a film with such blatant anti-feminist content. (Perhaps I should brush up on my feminist history again, there's probably a good explanation and I'm just not connecting the dots.)

The premise of the film offers an opportunity for something very feminist, especially since few women had picked up swords in leading roles before Brigitte Nielsen portrayed Sonja. But here's my summary of Sonja's origin story. Notice anything problematic?

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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We apologize for the delay in issuing this review of Terminator Salvation. You see, after I took one for the team and reviewed Terminator 3, I was kind of hoping that Grace would step up and save me from what I feared would be a race and gender FAIL. Alas, no. So here it is.

Ladies, be not afraid! In the future, your important roles as accessories to men's Important heroic actions will not be disturbed! You will be free to be kidnapped, knocked around, and rescued just as before, with no concessions made to the fact that the future of humanity depends on every person fighting tooth and nail against unstoppable foes!

People of color, you too will continue to enjoy your traditional positions as sidekicks to the Important White Men! And lest you fear that diversity will not be as highly valued in the future as it is now, let me reassure you that some of the higher echelons of the fight against the machines will be extremely international! There's a guy from Japan or somewhere!

p.s. To the guy who got a piece of rebar shoved through his chest: hope you like your new heart with a side of sand! And I'm glad they taught organ transplant surgery in vet school! Now if you just had access to a lifetime supply of anti-rejection medications, we'd be rocking this thing!

I'm sorry, what? Not long enough? Okay fine. I'll start over.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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For this review of the new Star Trek film, please welcome BonnieBelle of A Working Title. She called her review "Star Trek: Deconstructed" when she sent it in, and I have to say it's a darn thorough deconstruction! Thanks for making BonnieBelle feel welcome, I know we're all looking forward to some good discussion. -Skye

First of all, let me say that I am a Trekkie. I love the original Star Trek, and TNG and all the other ensuing seasons and spin-offs. Star Trek: TOS was a pioneer show in its time, portraying not only non-stereotypical characters of color, but women in strong roles. I'm going to spoil the heck out of the new movie, so read on at your own discretion.

Director JJ Abrams did a fantastic job of reimagining the style and visual impact of the series, the story he told was original and very much in line with the Star Trek legacy. The actors he chose, many of them unknowns or B-list stars, were perfect for their roles and very similar visually to the previous stars. It is a true restart for the series, and I hope to see more Star Trek movies in the future from this cast and director.

And yet... And yet...

Posted by A Very Special Guest in 1 Star: Typical
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Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. If you need men, X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie has men. Men over here, men over there, some more men hanging out over n the corner as backups just in case they run out of men. Which they won't, because of all the men everywhere.

If you need women, though, you're kind of fucked.

Before I lay out my complaints, let me say that I have little sympathy for any argument like "But they had to do it that way, it was like that in the comics." Sorry, but "the comics" aren't in and of themselves consistent. Also, the filmmakers don't hew to "the comics" all the time anyway, tons of stuff is rearranged, so to identify any specific detail and use that defense is just silly. Except for the part where Wolverine had claws.

Let me also say that I'm just going to spoil the fuck out of this movie, so make your own decision about whether to keep reading.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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You may have seen previews or read about Dragonball Evolution and thought "wow, that looks really bad." I did. I had no idea, before seeing this film, just how right I could be.

I saw the movie with my lovely co-blogger, who, at one point near the end of the film, just burst out laughing at the sheer stupidity of it. I'm surprised it took one of us that long to guffaw. This movie is, beginning to end, terrible. The dialogue is painful, the acting belongs in a high school play, and the characters are paper cut outs. As far as film quality is concerned, there is nothing good about it. Zero stars.

However, Dragonball doesn't fail its female characters.

Posted by Grace in 1 Star: Typical
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I will forgive a movie a good many things if it moves me. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans did not. I was bored.

So I'm not inclined to be magnanimous about how far this trilogy has fallen in terms of gender representation. If I was, I would say that in an ideal film world, the total output of action films in a given year might well mirror the Underworld Trilogy. About a third would have a woman as the dominant ass-kicker, cool as sin and twice as competent, as in Underworld. About a third would be an even mix, where women and men share the spotlight, as in Underworld: Evolution. And about a third would have a man as the take charge and take no prisoners leading man, as in this film. We're not looking to eliminate films where a man is the hero, contrary to what enemies of feminism constantly assume. We just want some variety.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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As we've discussed before, I love roller derby. I've also recently, through another project I'm working on, developed an interest in films from the 1970s. Imagine my joy, then, when Netflix turned up a suggestion for Kansas City Bomber, a 1972 film starring Raquel Welch as a roller derby queen.

This excitement, however, only got me through the first 30 minutes of this terrible, terrible movie. The other 60 minutes were powered solely by my dedication to Heroine Content readers.

Posted by Grace in 1 Star: Typical
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Wow. That was so bad.

Really.

Really, really bad.

To be more substantive, the comedy wasn't funny. Luke Ford, who plays Brendan Fraser's son, has about as much charisma as one of the rocks in my backyard. (The rocks aren't that cute either.)

I had higher hopes for this one due to the casting of Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh, and when I saw there was even another woman of color in a strong speaking role (Isabella Leong), and another one in a smaller speaking role (Jessey Meng), I was pretty excited.

Once I started watching it, though, I was all over the map with how many stars I would give it.

Posted by Skye in 1 Star: Typical
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